The Exploding Light

Late night. I slip into an uneasy sleep, as usual. I am tossing and turning like waves on the ocean when something jolts and sends me shivering, bolt upright in my bed. A loud noise, like a gunshot.

Pop.

I stare, bleary, into the shadows of my familiar bedroom. Suddenly, tiny pieces of hot glass begin to rain down upon me. I feel them falling on my arms and my hair. I close my mouth firmly and jolt away as each sharp piece grazes my skin. My heart is racing wildly as I try to piece together what happened.

It stops, and as it stops my head clears enough to let me understand what was going on. My lightbulb had suddenly exploded, in the middle of the night without me turning it on for nearly three hours. I left my room, unsure of the safety precautions and went to sleep in the living room. Before I fell asleep, I decide to look up what could possibly cause this, as I had never heard of it.

“Ghost!” shouted the playful voices online.

And that was enough for 4:30 am me. I didn’t sleep a wink the rest of the night, and only ventured back into my bedroom late into the day.

Forgive me for my superstitious nature…I’m not usually anxious about that kind of stuff, but I haven’t been sleeping well anyways. My exhaustion was bound to break me at some point.

Work Loads

Nothing relaxes me like a good study session.

Maybe I’m weird.

No, I know I’m weird. My friends tell me this all the time.

But I enjoy studying because I sincerely enjoy learning, especially when learning about the English language. But in these last few months of college, I’ve been having to really buckle down on my work and push through it. Whether or not I like studying, it’s still hard when I have to pull two all-nighters in a row. Final papers…assignments…journals…discussions…all blend together in a seemingly never-ending pile of paperwork. I feel slightly drained, like a sponge that’s had all it’s water squeezed out. I enjoy thinking about literature and its effects on human history. It’s my favorite thing to talk about! But my work has been at me for so long it’s difficult to put any sincere kind of thought behind any topic. I’ve started faking it, and in doing so I’ve lost what I went to college for, my drive for learning.

But perhaps this is a required step before graduation. I am so, so close to finishing! I can almost taste it. It’s been a fairly easy ride for me so far (easy in that I’ve enjoyed my work), so it would make sense that life could not let me off scot free.

No matter what though, I still feel fabulously lucky. I’m going to be the first person in my family to own a bachelor’s degree. I’ll not have any student debt. I’ll be given many different job opportunities after I graduate. I have a leg up in this world that my parents never had and I am thankful each and every day.

So perhaps I shouldn’t be complaining about my work load, because no matter what I have to go through, I know it will be worth it. I have the strength to continue on in this, and continue on with anything else I may need to push through because my end result is worth so much to me.

And after all of this is over, who says I have to stop learning? There are online classes and all sorts of courses I could take just for the sake of education, and I wouldn’t have to worry about due dates then. 😉

a thought

The future comes. I am left with a feeling of longing as I wait…nervously. anxiously. For the spark of action that calls for my future to begin. A resume. An interview. A decision. So many options are ahead of me, so many possibilities. It’s terrifying and exhilerating at the same time. I am a child on the verge of taking my life into my own hands. I am ready.